... [Since] Lent started, I am still not able to really focus on Christ. Till now there are a lot a lot of interruption that has drawn me away from Him. Work is very, very stressful these days and all I want to do is sleep when I am home. School assignment is due very soon and I just want more time to complete it. All these excuses are stopping me from willingly wanting to read the bible and pray. I have been forcing myself to do it. However I am glad at least I have been able to keep to the promise to go for adoration one hour per week, one weekday mass and abstinence, definitely with great temptations surrounding me.
The greatest difficultly [for me] is my stubbornness to let go. There is a temptation that has been telling me to hold on to something till you see or hear, [even though] there are already a lot of signs which I believe is from God to tell me to stop being so stubborn. It's as if, unless until I see Jesus on the cross, I won't believe He loves me. In this sense, I feel I have doubted God in knowing what is the best for me and wants to be in control. I realise that holding on actually hurts more than letting it go.
I am asking God to help me stop doing anything to save the situation but just to leave it in His hands. There is nothing I can do actually but just pray and I feel this is the only thing that God wants me to do.
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