The [first] week [was] truly been a week of realisation for me. In the sporadic nights that i prayed, even when it was so tempting to just say "just skipping one day won't hurt", i found my true purpose in life. Maybe not so much as to purpose but direction.
But sometimes i can't help to wonder have i truly find my direction, or is that direction from my own human nature or is that truly God's calling. In the past week for the many times i've been tested for my faith, be it in the form of fasting or in the form of prayer.
I can honestly say that i have failed several, if not many times. Also, i begin to question myself has my human nature began to take over me, or maybe it has devoured me. So much so that i don't realise that how i act is actually against God's direction.
It can also be that i think i'm too smart, that cause me to trick myself to believe that i'm actually not that bad after all. As much as i know that the wise in God's eyes are always the fools and the fools are truly those that are wise, i can't differentiate the difference between the two. Neither can i differentiate am I truly fool or am I truly wise.
I wrote this because i understand and know my faults and have probably not made the feel use of my first full week of Lent. Yet i'm determine to move forward in the direction of God and on top of my goals i would like to add on a huge task that i'm challenging myself to do. Which is to be a example of Christ to those around. Hopefully to all. "And it is in dying that we are born to eternity" (Prayer of St. Francis).
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